I searched for a long time was was wrong with me, how my brain was working. Since I entered 6th grade, I experienced many mood rollercoasters, and personnality swings. I thought I was autistic, but my therapist told me I wasn't. Today I am in 9th grade, I think i might have bpd, i have all the symptoms, fear of abandonment, depression, personnality swings, sometimes i'm feeling paranoid ("yo, why are you looking at your phone as i'm talking to you ? Did i hurt you, no, i'm so sorry, i'm so dumb"). I don't want to take meds, personal choice, I love my mind sometimes, like I can dream while staying awake at the same time (hypnagogic hallucinations), and if I am on meds, i'll be like a zombie... My mom told me "no, you're just a teenager, don't worry", but, did all teenager are depressive and have ******** thoughts ? I don't think so...
To you all who are reading this post, you deserve the best, never forget it, you deserve to be happy !
I'm french btw, so srry if I made some mistakes 👀
Hey! I have bipolar and schizophrenia (aka Schizoaffective) along with a bunch of other stuff. I'm in 10th grade. I was diagnosed last year after I tried to off myself, and the ultimatum was: go on meds or go to the psych ward (I was having a major bipolar depressive episode and a psychotic episode). I was really against taking meds and I still have a lot of paranoia and delusions around them (like: they're poison, they're gonna brainwash me, etc). The medication I was I was on made me super apathetic, and it coincided with a catatonia "episode" kind of, it was really awful. The next medication I was on made me have the worst panic attacks, worse then I've ever had before. I'm now on an antipsychotic and lithium, and it's way better, even if I still have paranoia about it. I don't know if there is medication for bpd, I think it's mostly therapy-based (but I'm not sure), but you don't have to take meds if you don't want to, especially once you move out. I totally get loving parts of your mind, though. I honestly do like some of my hallucinations.
Also, for talking to your mom, I'd recommend a lot of research, and just sit her down and talk to her, or send her an email or write her a letter if that's easier. Just tell her all your symptoms and where they line up with bpd criteria, and tell her what the next steps you want to take are (i.e. start therapy, go to a psychiatrist, etc.) also parents love stats, so if you can find some percentages, that might be good to (like, x% of teens experience su*cidal thoughts, and of those teens, X amount were diagnosed with a mental illness. Good luck!